How to Raise a Successful Child -The Definitive Guide

One of the toughest realities you'll face as a parent is understanding that your child's success is ultimately in their control, not yours. Unfortunately, while there are no clear guidelines that will ensure you raise successful kids, your influence on them may be more specific than you think

Raising successful children means setting an example and instilling values that lead to a satisfying and happy career and life. For some, it means climbing to the top of the organization, for others it means becoming a digital nomad, but for all it means having confidence in who you are and developing the ability to be a digital nomad. Skills of a great teammate, leader and partner.

For parents, in order to provide the best support for their children.When I first learned that my wife and I were going to be parents, I was nervous. Will I be good at this?

One way I deal with anxiety is to collect the best parenting advice I can find, including study and research, and hard-earned experiences of parents who seem to be doing well with their children.

Every once in a while, I like to go back and collect some of the best advice. Here are 10 of the most interesting practices I've found — simple habits that pay off big in the long run.

1. Be there for them when they need you

I'll start with this piece of advice because it's probably the most controversial, but it comes up often. Many parents wonder what is best to do when their children face adversity. Typically, you have two options:

Option 1: Rush to their side, hoping to give comfort and help. your goal? In the long run, build confidence that your child can always count on you no matter what goes wrong in life.

Option2: Keep a little distance, close enough to make sure nothing really scary happens, but also insist that your child figure things out on his own. your goal? Help them build resilience and self-confidence.

It's important to note that there are exceptions to every rule, and the overall weight of the research suggests option 1: Rush to their side. In short, kids have the whole world to teach them to be resilient; they only have you to teach them that they can lean on the most important people in their lives.

2. But don’t hover like a helicopter

In her book How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims, former dean of freshmen at Stanford University, writes that one of the biggest problems facing kids and their parents today stems from a phenomenon we've all heard about ten years ago. Year Now: Helicopter Parenting.

There are many components to her advice based on her experience at Stanford, but perhaps most important is a willingness to let kids try new things and fail, rather than shielding them from all the consequences.

I admit this seems to conflict somewhat with the first piece of advice we shared above. But if we can combine the two, it's to leave nothing until your child actually needs you -- and then run.

(I say these habits are easy, but that doesn't mean they're easy!)

3. Work on developing their emotional intelligence

People need great relationships to be happy and successful in life, and developing those relationships requires emotional intelligence.

There are many specific traits that need to be encouraged and cultivated. Rachael Katz and Helen Shwe Hadani, authors of Emotionally Intelligent Children: Effective Strategies for Raising Conscious, Cooperative, and Balanced Children, offer suggestions such as shaping your thoughts out loud, planting the seeds of self-compassion, and hugging Emotional mood changes.

But overall, the best way to help children develop emotional intelligence is to set good examples in your relationships and partnerships as adults.

4. Let them know expectations and values.

I like this for many reasons, but perhaps the most important is that researchers at the University of Essex in the UK summarized their findings:

"Behind every successful woman is a nagging mom? Teenage girls are more likely to succeed if they have a pushy mom."

In short, they found that parents who set high expectations for their children—particularly for their teenage daughters, especially when they kept reminding their children of their expectations—were more likely to stay in school and find good work, and are less likely to get pregnant as teenagers.

As one writer said after reading the study:

It's great if your kids make good choices because you taught them well. But it's okay if they avoid dropping out of school or getting pregnant as a teenager because they realize they'll never hear the end of you.

5. Bring them into the story.

This one is for parents with young children.

In a nutshell, it's about "mind reading" with kids, which means that instead of simply reading to them, you stop at various places and make them think about how the story is going and what the characters might have done choice, and why.

It was originally based on research showing that adults who read literary fiction end up having more effective intellectual empathy, which makes it easier for them to understand the thoughts and motivations of others.

6. Praise them for their efforts, not their gifts.

I don't know if people will take Jeff Bezos' parenting advice, but it's a good one.

"Be proud of your choices, not your talents. ... That's very important for young people, but also for parents," Bezos said at the 2016 Seattle said at the awards ceremony. "Outstanding people combine talent and hard work, and hard work is a choice. You decide."

It’s not just him saying this; research by Stanford University psychology professor Carol Dweck shows:

Praising children solely for their intelligence, athletic ability, or artistic talent—their innate abilities—actually reduces the likelihood that they will enjoy learning and excel as adults.

Conversely, praising children for the way they solve problems—the strategies and strategies they come up with, even if they don’t succeed—makes them more likely to try harder and ultimately succeed.

7. Let them do chores

Study after study has found that kids who do chores end up being more successful adults. In fact, we can point to Lythcott-Haims in part:

“By making them do the chores — take out the trash, do their own laundry — they realize that I have to do the work of life to be a part of it. It’s not just about me and what I need in the moment.”

However, that advice has recently come with the caveat that asking kids to do chores involving pets doesn't seem to be really working.

8. Teach them to follow their passions.

The debate over this is whether to rush to their side or to let them figure it out: Is it better for kids to follow their passions, or to find something that will make them happy and successful, and work hard to develop a passion for them?

The short answer here is twofold: First, yes to passion; some research has shown that intrinsic passion is just as important as other factors for a child's success in any activity. And, interestingly, successful people, from Warren Buffett to the late Steve Jobs, insisted that their children follow their passions and develop quirks at a young age.

A possible caveat: There are times in life, usually later, when passion has to give way to practicality. But in general, that will be after you've more or less "raised" the kids.

9. Tell them to hang out

As a licensed member of Generation X — the entire group that now seems to be told to hang out and not come home until the lights go on — I was certainly drawn to the advice.

However, the researchers found that the more time children sat indoors, the less likely they were to achieve academically among their peers.

Of course, it's sad that many schools still use the threat of no recess or outdoor time as punishment, and design the school day in such a way that they are shielded from all physical hardship. Ultimately, this inhibits a child's academic development, as it makes it harder for them to concentrate if there isn't enough outdoor physical activity.

10. Reduce screen time

If you're wondering what parents should do to raise successful kids, grab the remote and turn off the TV. In a study of more than 4,000 teens, researchers found a link between TV viewing time and depression. Those who watched more TV were more likely to become depressed. While turning off the TV doesn't mean your child won't be depressed, these are definitely statistics that shouldn't be ignored.

But reducing screen time should not be limited to television. If your kids are addicted to iPhones or Androids, it's also important to limit the amount of time they spend staring at those screens. To help, consider a parental control app like SpyX. It allows you to set screen time limits, plus you can limit the apps they use and the websites they visit.

There's even more built-in functionality, including the ability to view their social media chats, find out where they are while they're out, and get keyword alerts to help you spot if they're in trouble.

Summarize

All parents want their children to succeed, but consider how you define your child's success. Are they making a lot of money? Or have a distinguished career? Or are they happy, healthy, active contributors to society? Raising children with values rather than specific goals (such as values such as kindness, gratitude, self-esteem, and independence) can actually go a step further in helping them achieve in life rather than pushing them down a certain path.