How to Forgive A Cheater

Jerry Wiggins

Cheating in a relationship can be attributed to many reasons. You must have heard of many cases of a girlfriend caught boyfriend cheating. But there are many aspects to this scenario. We often have a habit of portraying life in black and white. However, you must be able to identify the gray area and make the final decision. Good people can seem like bad people when they are in shades of gray, and real love can seem dead for a while if the shades of gray are too dark. It is human nature to make catastrophic mistakes, and the decision of forgiveness comes with a lot of angles and responsibilities.


forgive someone who cheat on you


Part 1. When Should You Forgive

1. When you want to heal your pain

Healing is a journey and each individual takes a different approach to it. Your pain will be reduced only through self-analysis, communication, and expressing your feelings with time. Even after healing, consider how strong the foundation you have built for your relationship is compared to the weight of this transgression, and you will find it easier to move forward.


2. When they are sorry

Forgiveness is the first step toward trusting again. If your partner truly loves you, he or she will apologize from their heart. If they truly regret their mistakes and your relationship has a strong foundation, then you might consider giving them another chance. Moreover, it takes forgiveness to rebuild trust after cheating shatters trust and your ability to trust.


3. When you share a bond for a long time

In spite of this sounding obvious, it is incredibly important and meaningful to start by assuming both partners still love one another. Most couples counselors say that a person can love his or her partner and still cheat on them. If you and your partner share a bond for a long time then communicating with one another might open another door for the future.


Part 2. Should I Forgive A Cheater

The choice is yours! If you caught your girlfriend cheating then you need to consider the status of your relationship, your values, future consequences, and most importantly, what your heart says! The decision to cheat is a deeply personal one, and there is no wrong or right way to go about it. Decide what you are able to forgive and what you cannot. Identify your no-go zones, areas that you completely shun and would not tolerate, things that make you feel weak, etc. Communicate your preferences to your partner and know what you want. Here are a few things that might help you to make the final decision.


Understand if the cheating was physical or emotional

Determine whether the cheating was physical or emotional. A cheating relationship is often characterized by sex without emotional involvement between the two people. Others engage in emotional intimacy without engaging in sexual activity. You should determine whether the cheating was intentional or a one-time occurrence. Don't rush into a decision and take your time to understand your partner’s behavior.


Does it affect your family?

If you have kids then you may also want to consider how it affects them. We all know how children suffer when their parents go through a terrible divorce. Although it seems unfair, many people choose to make amends in their marriages because they are equally committed to raising their children well.


Communication resolves half of the problem

In order for a relationship to be successful, communication is essential. Be open with your partner and speak your mind if you want to build a strong and healthy relationship. Your expectations should be clear in the relationship, and you should be willing to hear theirs as well. This might help you to understand what factors in your relationship are lacking the most.


Part 3. Things You Need to Clear before Forgiving Your Cheating Partner

Taking a break is important after such a huge trauma. Taking a deep breath and centering yourself is the first step toward healing. You won't be able to accomplish any of that if you feel unholy rage at every glance at your spouse. Chaos in the mind will confuse you and lead to regret later on. Spend some time with yourself to calm your mind.


Ask yourself: Do you genuinely want the relationship?

Does this relationship have anything worth fighting for? Do you think there is a chance of love and connection? It may or may not be a matter of convenience and meeting mutually shared goals, like raising children. Healing will not happen if one person is satisfied with a relationship of convenience and the other wants to love and connect. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship.


Have you completed your healing process?

Forgiveness comes with the ability to let go of anger and resentment. After being cheated on, it is perfectly normal to feel hurt, angry, or even resentful; however, when these feelings are not processed or released constructively, problems arise. Understanding why your partner cheated can be challenging, and sometimes that's not the best thing to do. You must talk to your friends and family or even a counselor. They might bring a lot of things that you did not notice before. You can also visit a psychologist to heal from this trauma.


Part 4. Things You Need to Remember While Healing Yourself

1. Know where you stand

If a girlfriend caught boyfriend cheating doesn't necessarily indicate that they don’t love each other. The relationship could be worth another shot if your partner seems truly sorry and ready to commit with all their heart then you can consider the future of your relationship. If you feel being cheated is the worst thing that ever happened to you and you will never be able to forgive that person then it is totally your choice. Some people can forget but cannot forgive. If you are one of those people, that is fine too!


2. Don't try to heal overnight

Change is the only constant thing and you will heal someday! Allow yourself time to move through shock. You won't be able to heal every wound with time, but it will help you put things into perspective.


3. Keep Grudges away

Holding grudges against anyone will make you weaker. If you cannot forgive that person, it is better to let it go. Anger complicates things and emotions.


4. Don't ask for details constantly

If you have decided to forgive that person then you must learn to trust again. We all know it is the most difficult thing in life but you need to try. It's never a good idea to ask your partner about small things again and again. Questioning and doubting might harm your relationship in the future.


Part 5. How to Forgive A Cheater

1. Accept your emotional and mental state

Acceptance is the key to overcoming any trauma in life. In order to begin the forgiveness process, you must first accept that your partner has cheated on you. Besides feeling hurt, betrayed, and disappointed, you need to forgive as well. Keeping your strength is also important so that you can trust your partner again.


2. Give some space for yourself and your partner.

When you get hurt by your loved ones, it takes a lot of time to process things in your mind. The constant presence of your partner might affect the healing process. Give some space to yourself so that you can think clearly about all the aspects of your relationship.


3. Communicate with your go-to partner

Talk honestly with each other. The only way to move forward is to be open about what happened. You should schedule a time and date to discuss what happened with your significant other. There may have already been shouting or arguing about it, but this is different from analyzing what happened rationally.


4. Let go of all the insecurities

Stop blaming yourself if you think your partner has cheated on you because you are not enough for him/her. We all are insecure about something but that is not the only reason for your partner to cheat. You might be the perfect person staying in a toxic relationship. Remember that someone’s life choices are not influenced by your insecurities.


5. Don't try to take revenge

A feeling of revenge is intrinsically unhealthy because it harms the individual physically and psychologically. When you vent your anger and hostility, it does not reduce your pain.


6. Be understanding

Sometimes your partner never discusses their thoughts and desires which may lead to cheating. Communicating with your partner after every disagreement or argument is important. We can predict what people might feel in a particular situation by understanding their feelings.


7. Express yourself

We all need to express ourselves after trauma. Our inability to express ourselves causes us considerable mental and emotional suffering and considerable pain in the long run. Be sure to express every single feeling when you are hurt by your partner.


Part 6. Consequences of Forgiving a cheater


1. May Happen Again

It is possible for a cheating partner who has been forgiven to take advantage of you again. The chances of someone breaking the commitment again are higher if they have already broken it once.


2. Ongoing tormenting reminders

It is not easy to forgive a cheating partner and go on with your life. It may be difficult to live with them if they are constantly reminding you of their actions that caused you harm.


3. Robs you the opportunity to be with a deserving partner

Forgiveness certainly sets you free from all the pain but it comes with different challenges. You might forgive your partner who does not deserve your loyalty. If you feel that this relationship is not worth fighting for or if your heart says that you deserve someone better, then consider getting out of that relationship.


Part 7. Conclusion

Consider your personal circumstances and feelings when making a decision. When you're cheated on, it's not always easy to know what to do. It's still helpful to weigh the pros and cons, but ultimately you have to decide what's best for you. Additionally, it is important to note that forgiving a cheater will not necessarily result in the person wanting to remain in a relationship. Forgiving someone is subjective to each individual.

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